2020 - 2021 time skip ?!

 Assalamualaikum dan hai ~ I read my last post kata nak update about my 2019 but tak update pun hehe. Lupa lah. Bukan selalu pun bukak blog ni. Anyways, I nak cerita about how I've been doing nowadays.

First of all, this sem should've been my third sem in ACCA but Allah plan is the best, I'm still not done with any of my ACCA papers :') June exam kena cancel so kitorang defer to Sep exam utk paper TX and PM but yp scholar jela yg wajib defer. Other students tk sure lak sbb mostly my friends pun scholar. 

Alang-alang cakap pasal ACCA ni, my result is not so good so far. Aku tk pernah pass lagi paper PM dalam progress test and trial. Masa first progress test, mmg agak terkejut sbb time pressure. Banyak tk sempat jawab. But bila dh confident jawab pun, still tk dpt pass jugak. Asyik dalam range 40%+ je . Why not 50% 😭 Madam cakap madam target aku punya Trial 2 60% and final 70% someting. I hope I can achive those high marks. 

TX pulak, maybe sebab dah belajar masa FTX, so agak confident la but the way madam ajar really doesn't fit me. What i mean is, kalau aku tk pernah belajar tax and tu first time belajar dengan madam, aku mmg tk yakin boleh buat. Sebab madam ajar guna slide and tak pernah guna the whole 3 hours utk ajar. Tapi yela sebab ada anak kecik kan dahla odl pulak. Alhamdulillah result okay and dari progress test 1 smpai trial 1 dpt highest (dalam kelas jela) but my marks is not even that high, dalam range 60%+ . I know I can do better if i dont slack around😀

Next, nak cerita pasal odl pulak. So far for me, okay lah. Sometimes ada jugak ridiculous workload of assignments nak kena siapkan before due but awal2 jela camtu. Lama2 dah adapt and madam sendiri tk bagi kerja banyak. My lecturer bagus sangat bab time ni. Mesti punctual so tk pernah habis kelas lambat and takde extra class when bukan waktunya. 

Tapi, bila odl ni rasa lonely sangat sebab belajar sorang2. Even boleh je contact kawan tapi tak sama la dengan belajar sama2. Macam mana lah student baru nak survive study mcm ni. Nasib baik lah course ni tkde nak kena buat group work bagai. And, tak dapat nak kenal kawan baru or lama. Seriously, tak suka sangat rasa lonely tu. Rasa macam "Apa yang aku buat ni? Perlu ke nak siapkan assignment ni? Kenapa dunia ni jadi macam ni? Kenapa aku belajar kat rumah bukan kat uni? Aku kat rumah tapi kena belajar macam kat uni. Macam mana nak separate personal life dengan studies ni? Kawan yang lain diorang tengah study hard ke? Ke diorang relax kat rumah? Apa aku kena buat sebenarnya ni?'

Lagi satu, lately aku rasa macam hilang purpose. Maybe sebab environment belajar. Alhamdulillah i have my own space, personal laptop, good wifi and family yang understading bila anak2 ada kelas ni tkde la nak suruh buat macam2 sbb luckily my mom pun cikgu and she have to do pdpr as well. I am grateful for that. 

It's just.. final exam dah 2 kali kena postpone. Last time masa CAT and now Acca pulak. My first 2 papers pulak tu. Sekarang tengah sem break which I should enjoy after (supposed to sit) final. But covid cases je pun tengah on streak 6000+ cases daily. Nobody to be blamed I guess for deferment of the exam. SO, break ni aku mmg break and take a rest before study hardcore utk exam nnti. Banyak benda yang aku tringin nak buat, yang dah plan utk buat after final, aku tk buat pun time sem break ni. Why? Probably because I don't actually sit for the final exam. 

I think A LOT during this time. Like my purpose of studying, what is the career I want to pursue, what kind of person i want to be in the future, will i be successful.. things like that. How long am I going to live off my parents money? I have no income whatsoever. Bila tengok kawan, ada yang join dropship, jual bundle, i envy their courage to start something to change themselves. To improve whatever about them, whether financially, mentally. I feel like I'm walking on a treadmill. Walk but did not move forward. Or did i even walk? I'm still in my comfort zone. How am I going to survive? 

Lepas habis belajar nanti, apa guarantee yang aku akan dapat kerja? Ready ke nak kerja? Sometimes rasa nak join event pun sebab nak isi kat resume je. Kena fikir how am i going to make myself valueable to future potential employers. I don't know.. My priorities kelaut. 

Okay moving on, masa awal pandemic aku terminat anime sebab Attack on Titan. Kebetulan ada kat netflix pastu asyik keluar kat recommendation je so aku tengok lah and i'm in love. Then, bila dh minat tu kebetulan jugak banyak arts pasal anime yang guna arcylic paint and before tu pun memang banyak terjumpa video orang buat arcylic paint on canvas. So, after final, memang aku bedal beli arcylic paint and canvas banyak2. Seronok sangat buat. Tapi bila start sem baru ni (2021), kena kurangkan sebab nak focus study en. Konon lah. 

Sekarang tengah cuti ni aku jadi less interested pulak nak buat. Ada tengok satu video tiktok ni, artist tu cakap, utk masuk ke dunia art ni, kena Quanitity>Quality . That way, kita boleh improve. And sebab aku lagi focus quality sbb perfectionist sangat, when i'm not even that good in arts, aku jadi lost interest. Bila nak buat aku terfikir, macam mana kalau tak lawa nanti membazir je paint, canvas. Anime pun sekarang dah kurang sebab mostly tengok anime ongoing so takdelah nak binge watching. 

Cakap pasal binge, now i'm addicted to manhwas aka webtoon lagi2 yang romance 😍Tapi tulah sakitnya nak kena tunggu upload tu. So sementara tunggu start baca manhwa lain then kena tunggu lagi. Huhu sakit. Currently, my fav is Positively Yours, Who Made Me A Princess, Inso's Law, fuh nak list lagi semua tajuk panjang2 pulak. 

Hmm nak cerita apa lagi eh.. OK for now tu je babaii